now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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