No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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