And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's blow job season.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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