im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
