He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
