I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
