I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
