if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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