I wish I only lived at night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
