When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
