You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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