first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize