R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
