I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
