can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
