I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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