i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
