How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
