dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize