So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
