the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Actions speak louder than pants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
