just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
