it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
