im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
two words...techno handjob
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
