You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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