And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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