who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
