he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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