No stitches, just platelets and will power
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize