he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
