that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
