That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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