everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
