My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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