4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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