WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
