If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
