thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
