WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
