sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
