Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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