she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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