so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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