a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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