i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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