Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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