I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
