WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Shame - the story of my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
