4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
