You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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