somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
