Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
