I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've blown a few things in my day
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
