I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
