I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
