I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
