do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
