We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
