she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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