Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
