New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
