If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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