i don't like sucking hair
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
