ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
